The front closet had more empty beer bottles than I had ever seen, and he just moved in
Why would someone move all those? I remember making a comment that was quickly dismissed. When we got together with his brothers, heavy drinking was always involved. Not having brothers I just rationalized that this must be what brothers do when they get together.
When my husband was sober he was that man I fell in love with. Kind, loving, funny, attentive. We had two daughters- surely seeing the pain his drinking was causing them would be enough?
It takes awhile for us to believe there is a problem. We are in denial that the person we love has a problem. The alcoholic is very skilled at convincing us there is no problem. I learned that alcoholics are master manipulators and liars. They are just having fun, they don't do it all the time and because they carry on so often in a normal way we dismiss the behavior.
We convince ourselves there is no problem, but I was married to an alcoholic, and it took me 5 years of marriage and the birth of our daughter before I realized I was married to an alcoholic. Even then it took a recovered alcoholic to tell me the truth. I went to my first Al-Anon meeting and just sat there crying. How was this my life? I told myself if I got enough information he would see his problem and get sober. I researched everything I could find on alcoholism. Surely if I presented him with my findings he would get sober. I went to counselling to try and learn how to be a better wife. If I did all the things a good wife should do- then he'd get sober.
I was always on high alert. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Was he going to be Dr Jekyll or Mr. Hyde today? Which one was going to show up. Was that first sip going to be a few or was it going to be a rapid downward spiral.
​